Two Januarys ago The Sunday Age introduced a segment for children’s letters called Summer Kids Your Say.

The first respondent was a child aged 10 (that would put her in, what, Grade 4?) commenting on a short story:-

“Creeks and rivers represent ideas, bridges are connections to new horizons, angels are messengers…”.

I was thinking that this kid’s brain should be plasticised and mounted in a museum of natural history when I came across: “My mum thinks…”. Aah, mummy. An academic-stage mother who can’t resist sticking her scholarly beak into her child’s reading matter. Especially if it proves to the philistines next door how clever and cultured her little Antigone is.

ANTIGONE? Yes, that’s correct. Mum must be a classics professor because Sophocles was the last person to use that name, in 442BC.

Antigone’s metaphors were a bit of a mouthful and so was her polysyllabic hyphenated name.

Another child with a hyphenated name used “suspenseful” in her letter. Is that a bit rich for an unassisted 8-year-old? Perhaps not.

“Just imagining all the adrenalin running through their heads” [does it run through your head. It’s in the bloodstream so I suppose it does. Does it affect your mind? Let me check: ‘Heightened sense of awareness to respond to a perceived threat’ comes after the ‘enhanced breathing, increased blood pressure and heart rate’] wrote a 12-year-old. Usually only a heroin addict would imagine that reading The Faraway Tree – or a child sporting prodigy who injects her own steroids.

The final contributor opened with: “I believe in angels. I am not sure if I believe in their esoteric ability to take on the molecular form of beings on earth…” I went to fetch the kerosene but just as I was about to set the newspaper alight, I noticed: “From a very old kid at heart”.

Antigone’s mother finally coming clean? A genius child ghost writing for a stupid parent?

The true geniuses in this troupe would have been grateful for the alternative forum in which to express their ideas. Talking like that in front of less gifted peers would almost certainly have led to a playground lynching:-

Ms Caldecott (PE teacher): “Who is that hanging by their neck from the monkey bars?”
Class (all together): “Oh, that’d be Antigone!”

Last summer The Age encouraged children with the demographic bias of Malvern East, Brunswick West and Northcote to review the film Megamind.

I assume its director and screenwriter were immune to the scathing criticism from journalists and idiotic comments from people emerging from cinemas but it would have been interesting to see their reaction after reading this from a 10-year-old Orson Welles:-

“Having a story starting in the middle and reviewing whatever happened 10 years earlier is a good style of scriptwriting BUT NEEDS WORK” [!].

The toothpaste I am currently using claims to “fight cavities”.

How do you fight a hole?

The Gold Coast Titans have just signed their seventh Storm player – Beau Champion – who will be replacing their last Storm signing, Joseph Tomane.

They certainly think a lot of Storm players.  Wanted Steve Turner, took  Jake Webster, Sam Tagatese, Ian Donnelly, Chris Walker and Nathan Friend, tried to poach Cam Smith and Kevin Proctor, and then got a young homesick Joseph Tomane to sign for them before he’d even started negotiations with Storm.  

The latter event was a real shame because Craig Bellamy was beginning to solve Tomane’s  defensive problems. If he had achieved his goal, and history suggests he would have, Tomane was destined to become  the new G.I.

The Titans, like most NRL teams, don’t bother developing young talent and have left Tomane languishing in the Queensland Cup while going out and recruiting another centre from … you guessed it, THE STORM.

Homesickness has always been a problem for Melbourne with all its players coming from NSW, QLD or New Zealand – made worse if players’ partners aren’t prepared to move with them (which with three year deals really astounds me).

This is why the Storm should have had salary cap concessions from the beginning. 

It’s sad to watch excellent players like Champion and Chase Stanley depart for family reasons. But as Bellamy stated it just gives someone  like Elijah Niko an opportunity. 

Hopefully in the coming weeks a particular young star will re-sign with the club because Melbourne is his home –  Gareth Widdop.

The Storm  will continue to develop young players and give older ones a second chance at NRL level while the rest of the competition will continue to poach.