No one looking good at Maroondah Hospital

Sallow complexions all round thanks to the harsh light rebounding off the cream walls.

Animal murals (hanging monkeys, lounging zebras, feeding giraffes) for the kids but in outpatients today it’s mainly the elderly couples – as with the younger ones the man is usually the patient; the former from illness, the latter from injuries sustained in sport or drunken buffoonery (the teenage ones who jumped from bridges and roofs will be here in moonboots in the evening laughing loudly at an unfunny YouTube clip – probably of a drunken yob jumping from a roof)

“Mr Cedric Saunter to the colonoscopy room please”. Poor old tubby Cedric with a big bandage on the top of his head and two hearing aids – why do the men have the hearing aids? – struggles up out of his seat producing a fart (think bubbling hotpot casserole) and totters off to his appointment led by his doting equally portly wife.